After 5 wonderful years online, the staff of the Daily Medical Examiner is officially retiring from online work. We leave with minds overflowing with wonderful memories and hearts full of bitter malice toward the incipient laziness of our veteran writers, whose perpetual sloth has been surpassed only by the self-centered, coddled delusions of our younger staff. To our beloved readers, who were fiercely loyal but often too obtuse to truly grasp the grandeur of the writing we bestowed upon them, we thank you for your dedication. We hope that in the years ahead your minds will find new ways to awaken from their recurrent hibernation and step out into that warm spring light of abstract thought. (This too, is satire. It has been a lovely 5 years, and we actually are grateful to every mind that has frittered away a few minutes here or there reading our articles. Thank you.)
With these kind words and well-wishes, we proudly sign off from the world of satire. Truly, it has been a pleasure.
The DME, Editor-in-Chief