President Trump picks Joe Camel to be nation’s new Surgeon General

Joe Camel.jpg

WASHINGTON, DC – In yet another bold pick for his administration, newly-elected US President, Donald Trump, has selected a Washington outsider for the nation’s top medical post. He is bringing big-business insider, Joe Camel, out from retirement to make American healthcare “great again.”

“He brings a lot of fantastic experience from the corporate world. He’s got charisma, big charisma, and he’s the type of guy who is going to get things done,” explained Mr. Trump.

The medical community has been highly critical of his pick.

“First, he’s not a doctor. Second, he spent most of the 1980’s and 90’s convincing kids that smoking is cool,” said American Medical Association (AMA) spokesperson, Linda Hundlespick, MD.

Trump dismisses complaints about Mr. Camel’s lack of a medical degree.

“Joe Camel can learn medicine just as quickly as Rick Perry can learn about nuclear weapons for the Department of Energy,” Trump tweeted on Saturday.

With regard to his less-than-stellar track record on public heath, Mr. Trump was equally unperturbed.

“Sure, he’s done things, and he’s got some conflicts of interest, but he’s a winner. You don’t get to be a winner without making a few people angry and having some conflicts of interest. Look at that face in the ads. He’s smooth, I’m telling you… very smooth.”

He encourages the nation to give Mr. Camel a chance in the new post.

“Look, healthcare is a disaster… we’ve got Obamacare giving everyone cancer and China… they’re saying that China is trying to genetically manipulate our babies. I don’t know, but if we’re gonna fix cancer and we’re gonna get everybody healthcare, we need a leader who knows how to work with industry. Joe Camel is our guy.”

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