PLANO, TX – Frito-Lay, Inc., made the breathtaking announcement this week that it’s newest flavor, Salsa Verde, will also include a 2-foot plastic claw (called the “SnackMaster”) which will help facilitate hours of wholesome snacking satisfaction for the children of America.
Frito-Lay’s chief of publicity, Martin Drimmler, offered us at the DME his take on this latest innovation in snack time accessibility.
“This is a game-changer. Previously, kids who were too sedentary or unmotivated to get off the couch to reach the Doritos bag would not have been able to engage in the snacking freedom enjoyed by their peers. The patented Doritos claw levels the playing field by giving all kids the liberty to go back to the bag time and time again without the fatigue that would have stopped them.”
Researchers at rival snacking giant Nabisco – who were initially caught off guard by this week’s bold leap in technology – are reportedly already countering by working on an “Oreo Shoot” which will drop cookies directly into the waiting mouths of the nation’s children.