BREAKING: USDA Adds Girl Scout Cookies to Food Pyramid

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WASHINGTON, DC – After a hard-fought battle amongst power-brokers in the world of government food-suggestions, makers of the US Department of Agriculture’s “Food Pyramid” have unanimously agreed to add Girl Scout Cookies to the pinnacle of the pyramid.

“Our latest edition of the Food Pyramid included exercise as part the program, but we realized that someone climbing the pyramid had no goal, no object worth climbing for at the top,” said US Food Suggestion czar, Thom Whashburn.

The USDA suggests that having a goal – like exercising so that one may eat more Caramel Delights – completes the food pyramid and gives Americans a realistic goal that they can strive for.

“We realized that just being healthy isn’t enough. Americans want a purpose, something to achieve …and eating more peanut butter Tagalongs is just the ticket. That’s something all of our citizens can unite around,” said Whashburn.

So the DME is reminding you that this year, if you are approached by one of America’s future leaders wearing a vest full of merit badges, you can confidently buy a box or four, knowing that you’re making a donation to tomorrow — and to your health.


2 thoughts on “BREAKING: USDA Adds Girl Scout Cookies to Food Pyramid

  1. This is just another example of abusive government overreach and nanny-state interference with individual decisions.

    The plan showing Caramel deLites (aka “Samoas” — sounds foreign to me, I wonder how they got into this country) at the top of the food pyramid is an obvious attempt by the coconut lobby to infiltrate our diets.

    Any right thinking consumer would know that Thin Mints are the pre-eminent and obvious choice.

    • This comment smacks of elitist capitalism, right down to the selection of Thin Mints as “cookie supreme.” Thin Mints — self-absorbed and wrapped in the ivory towers of their shiny foil sleeves — offer delusions of refinement and sophistication, yet are built on the sweat and labor of honest, hard-working shortbreads and Samoas from all over the nation. This “nanny state” interference is about leveling the playing field in our country for cookies of all shapes and flavors.

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