In an effort to bring its buttered-lightning-fast service to the lumbering world of healthcare, Amazon Prime has initiated a new organ-delivery service which is quickly making standard transplant procurement protocols obsolete.
Gone are the days of doctors and nurses wandering around in helicopters in the middle of the night. The new system harness the power of the internets and peaceful drones to bring people with organs together with people who need them.
It’s simple. When a patient is declared a donor, doctors simply post the organ on the Amazon Prime Harvest-Time™ system; within minutes, a delivery drone arrives, removes the donated organ and whisks it off to the waiting recipient. Doctors on the receiving end simply use the 1-click ordering system and “thump” – a pancreas or a set of lungs plops onto the hospital’s back doorstep.
“This is amazing! Last week, I ordered a kidney on morning rounds and it was there later that afternoon, sitting on the curb by the hospital smoking area,” said transplant surgeon, Rebecca Vlater, MD. “I got a little excited this afternoon and clicked on a nice-looking liver that I saw on sale. It’ll be here tomorrow; I don’t know what I’ll use it for yet, but heck, you can’t beat 25% off!!”
Initially there were minor glitches with the system, including at least one episode of what Amazon calls “erroneous harvest.” Rick Clugt, a factory worker from Des Moines, Iowa says a drone knocked him over in the Stein Mart parking lot and took his kidney. By the time he got up from the pavement, his nephrons were halfway to San Diego.
Clugt has asked for the return of his kidney, but Amazon says that they are still working out the details of their return policy. In the meantime, they have offered him a $50 gift card and a lifetime Prime membership. He says he’s still angry about the kidney, but he is really enjoying same-day shipping on things like socks and groceries.
Hospitals interested in Amazon Prime Harvest-Time™ can start their 30-day free trial with an easy 3-step registration.