North Dakota Medical School Aims to Train the Followers of Tomorrow

Original photo by Eva Schuster


The Mule: An Icon of Hard-Working Ignorance. Original photo by Eva Schuster

CALEDONIA, ND – One of the nation’s youngest medical schools is trying to make a name for itself by carving out a unique niche in the world of medical education.  Already known for its efforts to make every student a valedictorian, the University of Eastern North Dakota Medical Center (UENDMC) is embarking on yet another creative initiative.

“We looked around at medical schools today, and across the board, everybody’s putting all of their sweat into training tomorrow’s medical leaders,” said UENDMC Dean Dr. George Handschall.  “We asked ourselves, who the heck is training the followers?  Nobody!!  That’s the elephant in the room.”

UENDMC has taken the lead in preparing students for a lifetime of humble acquiescence to established knowledge and pursuit of the status quo.  They’ve adopted the motto, non dubitare solus opus (“Stop asking questions and do your job.”)  Rather than seeking to learn through creative investigation, UENDMC students will focus on memorization and application of the known body of medical science.

“Anybody can lead…you can see that from how many medical schools want to do it.  What we’re talking about is the much harder task of raising up a workforce of trusting, compliant workers who will actually do their jobs instead of trying to pioneer stuff,” said Dr. Handschall.

The new curriculum has erased all traces of ingenuity and spontaneity; research is penalized and curiosity discouraged.

“When it comes down to it, almost everybody in medicine’s out to be a leader.  The real gem – the diamond in the rough – will be a doctor who can keep his or her mouth shut and produce.  That’s my goal: I want to be in the vanguard of the rearguard!” said 2nd year medical student, Kris Scmilter.

For their leadership in developing the plodding medical follower of tomorrow, the UENDMC is awarded this weeks DME Health Hero award.

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DISCLAIMER: All stories, quotations, medical reports, studies, and news entries are fictitious, created in the interest of humor. They are the creative work of the Daily Medical Examiner staff, and any relationship to actual events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.

 

 

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