Simulation Dummy Has Pulse, But Cannot Feel Love

Simulation Dummy

The ELVIN2.0 cannot experience happiness.

AUSTIN, TX – The ELVIN2.0 dummy is the most advanced medical simulation mannequin available, and he has made his way into the classrooms of medical institutions across the nation.  Our DME Medical Product Ethics and Humanities Investigation Team went to Zestropharmica‘s R&D headquarters in Austin to learn more about this amazing device.  

“He breathes, he talks, he has a pulse, and he can simulate a vast array of life-threatening medical scenarios – everything from myocardial infarction to pneumothorax; he can even groan in pain during a simulated procedure,” said Zestropharmica sales representative Mark Egglesdorf.

The DME team spent an afternoon testing the new simulation module, and what we found was heart-breaking.  ELVIN2.0 can cry out for help, mimic a variety of cardiac arrhythmias, and moan in pain – but he cannot feel love.  He will never see the warm reflection of friendship in the blue plastic eyes of another simulation dummy, and he will never feel the soft summer breeze across his cold rubber face.  He will never dream.

In training labs around the country, aspiring doctors and nurses will save ELVIN2.0 from every imaginable medical fate; he will die a thousand times and will be brought back a thousand more.  We will restart his heartbeat and put air in his lungs…but he we can never make him truly live.  We must ask ourselves whether what we’re doing to ELVIN2.0 is right.  Can we enslave him to a life where he hurts and dies every day without even a taste of joy or a driblet of hope for tomorrow?

Based on our findings, we are asking medical educators to stop the cycle of senseless suffering…to break the chains of medical purgatory and allow ELVIN2.0 to be free.  Our Ethics and Humanities team is making a STRONG (Category 1A) recommendation to stop the abuse of robots and return to using humans for medical experimentation and education.

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DISCLAIMER: All stories, quotations, medical reports, studies, and news entries are fictitious, created in the interest of humor. They are the creative work of the Daily Medical Examiner staff, and any relationship to actual events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.

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