Death Panel Outraged by Healthcare Website Delays

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WASHINGTON, DC – As victims of yet another disappointment in a long string of broken promises from the current administration, members of the famed Affordable Care Act Death Panel (ACADP) have found themselves once again standing in the ashes of scorched dreams.

“I got into this to limit our nation’s over-spending on old people…and I’m tired of waiting for the savings to begin,”  said 35 year-old computer programmer, Martin Linglighter.  “As we speak, there’s probably 80 year-old ladies getting their hips repaired and 92 year-old ‘geezers’ getting started up on dialysis.  This has to stop.”

They say that a dismal enrollment rate linked to a fumbled healthcare website roll-out means that they will have to continue to watch the wheels of healthcare for the elderly turning day after day without any signs of slowing.

“It’s just not right.  I’ve got a long list of people that I think need to have their healthcare rationed…like the lady who’s always leaving her dog doo in front of my porch… and I feel powerless to stop them,” said Katrina Snellinghagn, a 27 year-old coffee shop worker living in Manhattan.  “This type of thing would never happen in Canada!”

The White House promises to have the new Healthcare website fully functional by the end of the month or possibly this time next year, but for the disappointed death panel, that won’t be a moment soon enough.

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DISCLAIMER: All stories, quotations, medical reports, studies, and news entries are fictitious, created in the interest of humor. They are the creative work of the Daily Medical Examiner staff, and any relationship to actual events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.

 

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