The Daily Medical Examiner continues its sporadic recognition of health heroes with nomination of Dr. Francine Loccings as this week’s DME Health Hero. We recognize her valiant effort to fight for the reputation of her town.
FISCAL CLIFF, NV – A dusty little town in Northern Nevada has been getting a lot of bad publicity lately. This earnest town of 323 people has been trying hard to build its tourism industry and diversify it’s economy. The quaint home to one of the world’s oldest tampon manufacturers has struggled to make a name for itself, rising to prominence as a place of quiet respectability in central Nevada. All of that work seems to have been flushed south since some knucklehead in Washington, D.C., first used their town name to describe the nation’s budget crisis.
Dr. Francine Loccings and her physician’s assistant, Kevin Buytels, PA-C, from FISCAL CLIFF PRIMARY CARE ASSOCIATES, have spearheaded an attempt to defend the honor of Fiscal Cliff. They donated money for an ad campaign and teamed up with city politicians to let the world know that Fiscal Cliff is a real location, with real people who have no idea what a bunch of arrogant legislators in Washington are doing about taxes; they just want their town name back.
“Fiscal Cliff is actually not a bad place. In Consumer Reports livability rankings for towns in the Western US with population between 200 and 500, Fiscal Cliff ranks well in the top half. If I have to hear CNN, MSNBC, or Fox News talk one more time about how bad things will be if we head over the ‘fiscal cliff,’ I think I’m going to hold my breath until I pass out,” Dr. Francine Loccings tells the DME.
In a nationwide mailout, Fiscal Cliff, touts its excellent school, annual rattlesnake rodeo, and top notch medical community. From the advertisement:
“Our town boasts fine dining with two local franchise restaurants and a burrito stand which has just re-opened after a temporary health department shut down. Plus, we’re less than an hour from Elko, Nevada – home to a vibrant nightlife as well as the National Weather Service Forecasting Office. Fiscal Cliff’s got the perfect balance of small town charm and big city amenities.”
The town is holding nothing back in the fight to regain its dignity. After fiery debates in town council about the appropriate number of exclamation points, they agreed on a town motto of “Come on Over the Fiscal Cliff! Things are Nice Here!!!” As they wait for the world to taste the fruits of their painstaking efforts, they listen to the quiet hum of a factory which has been churning out feminine hygiene products for over 75 years, they taste the sweetness of a Dairy Queen Blizzard, and they sit in silent awe as a thunderstorm rolls up over the landfill south of town; no matter what the rest of the universe thinks of them, they’re proud to live in Fiscal Cliff.
DISCLAIMER: All stories, quotations, medical reports, studies, and news entries are fictitious – created in the interest of humor. They are the rotten fruit falling from the imagination of the Daily Medical Examiner creative staff, and any relationship to actual events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.