Target Clinics Offer Sale on Ringworm

English: Logo of Target, US-based retail chain

English: Logo of Target, US-based retail chain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – With the growing popularity of its one-stop primary care clinics, Target is looking for ways to expand its patient panel to bring in first-time users. As part of the new campaign, the retail giant is slashing prices on a variety of common ailments, including ringworm, scabies, and eczema. The clinic website offers a helpful menu of maladies from which patients may choose, with up-front pricing and easy in-and-out payment with low wait times.

With the fall special, a ringworm sufferer who would have ordinarily paid $75 in the Target clinic will get their ringworm seen for $49.99.

Dermatophytosis

Dermatophytosis (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“I think this is a great marketing campaign, and the ringworm thing comes right in time for high school wrestling season,” said Nurse Practitioner Sally Drower, from the Wishahatchee Target Clinic.

Not everyone’s excited about the Fall deals, however. Many local primary care physicians have become upset with this mass-marketing strategy in healthcare.

“Used to, people wanted someone who they actually knew to treat their ringworm or scabies, not just some anonymous stranger. Back then, it wasn’t just about a wart – it was about a relationship,” said Dr. Fenstletop, of Fensteltop Family Care.

“These big guys are trying to push us out of the business, but patients are the ones who will get hurt. You want Walmart to cut your wart off? That’s great, but one day, that wart’s gonna come back as cancer and Walmart’s not going to cry with you and refer you to an oncologist,” he added, as tears formed in his eyes.

Despite skepticism from the medical establishment, patients are lining up for the bargains.

“Target gave me a sweet deal on mouth herpes and jock-itch at the same time, and I paid only $75!!!” said college Freshman Tim O’Fitzsullivan.

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DISCLAIMER: All stories, quotations, medical reports, studies, and news entries are fictitious, created in the interest of humor. They are the ripe and, sometimes, rotten fruit borne from the fecund imagination of the Daily Medical Examiner creative staff, and any relationship to actual events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.

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