Farmer: “Alien Doctor’s Bedside Manner Was Abominable”

Artist’s sketch, courtesy of Hearney Police Department

HEARNEY, NE – Nebraska corn farmer, Richard Lidgel says that there were many disturbing things about that starry summer night in June when he was abducted by aliens.  He’s haunted by the way the eery blue light reflected off of the bending corn stalks; he can still sense the  icy calm in the transporter beam as he was lifted into the floating starship; sometimes when a room gets quiet, he imagines he can feel the unsettling hum of the craft’s engines in his bowels.

However, more than anything else that was seared into his memory from that night, he remembers the horror of his experience in the spacecraft’s medical wing.

“It was awful…just awful.  I had to stay there waiting for nearly forty-five minutes for one of the alien doctors to see me.  I mean, for crying out loud, if they weren’t able to see me on time, why didn’t they just schedule the abduction for 45 minutes later?!”

He says that the terrors of his visit did not stop when he was finally escorted back to the exam room.

“After waiting another 15 minutes, some really young-looking alien walked  into the room.  I think he was probably in training or something, because he didn’t seem to know what he was doing.  He didn’t introduce himself.  He didn’t make good eye contact, and then he just proceeded to start examining me without any explanation of what he was doing.  On top of that, his hands were freezing, and I’m pretty sure that I never saw him wash them before he started the physical exam.”

Lidgel felt violated by more than just the extra-terrestrial’s hands that night; the alien’s appalling bedside manner left him feeling angry and demeaned.

“He didn’t listen to my questions and didn’t explain to me the results of what he found.  He just kept typing on that computer, not even facing me.  Didn’t tell me if there was anything out of the ordinary.  Then, at the end of the visit, that arrogant futz just sauntered off!”

He says he’s been waiting for the aliens to contact him regarding the results of his scans and probes, but hasn’t yet heard back.  Until he does finally receive follow-up contact, he’ll continue to wander out into the fields on clear nights, stare into the sky, and wonder.

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DISCLAIMER:  All stories, medical reports, news entries, and commentary are fictitious, created in the interest of humor.  They are the ripe and sometimes rotten fruit borne from the fecund imagination of the Daily Medical Examiner creative staff, and any actual relationship to events present or historical should be considered coincidental.  The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized.  Any other use of real names is coincidental.

One thought on “Farmer: “Alien Doctor’s Bedside Manner Was Abominable”

  1. Pingback: The Glorious Tradition of “See One, Do One, Teach One” « the Daily Medical Examiner

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