ZestroPharmica Recalls Somnularis Sleeping Pill After 7 Patients Found in Guadalajara Restaurant


Photo by Pawel Kryj

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO – On June 27th, Margaret Shangleford woke from one of the most restful nights of sleep she can remember.  Unfortunately, she awoke in La Tortugita restaurant in Guadalajara, Mexico, more than 2,000 miles from her home in Boise, Idaho.

“I don’t know how on earth I got there…  I don’t even have a passport!” claimed Ms. Shangleford to reporters after authorities at the US Embassy were contacted.  She says she woke to find herself in her night-gown at a booth near the back of the restaurant, with a bowl of menudo and a duffle bag filled with over $20,000 US dollars worth of Mexican pesos.

Her story began when, after seeing a TV commercial,  she asked her doctor about Somnularis (Riphthereledon) for treatment of her troubling insomnia.  It ended in an unfamiliar country, eating a soup that she said she has “no particular interest in ever eating again.”   Shangleford’s experience of the new drug was shared by 6 other patients from various parts of the country who also found themselves at La Tortugita after using Somnularis.

“Every couple of days, a foreigner comes wandering into the restaurant about 9:30AM, completely dirty and sweaty, sits in that back booth, and orders menudo in perfect Spanish,” reported Javier Xcalta, through a translator.  His family has owned La Tortugita for 27 years, but he says they’ve never had customers quite like this before.

“People don’t usually order menudo in the morning, so it seemed odd at first.  Now we keep a pot on the stove,” said Mr. Xcalta.

A spokesperson for ZestroPharmica claims that there is no proven link between the new drug and these reported incidents; however, the manufacturer has voluntarily pulled the drug from the market while the FDA and the US Department of State open investigations.

 

——————

DISCLAIMER:  All stories, medical reports, news entries, and commentary are fictitious, created in the interest of humor.  They are the ripe and sometimes rotten fruit borne from the fecund imagination of the Daily Medical Examiner creative staff and any actual relationship to events present or historical should be considered coincidental.  The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized.  Any other use of real names is coincidental.

 

3 thoughts on “ZestroPharmica Recalls Somnularis Sleeping Pill After 7 Patients Found in Guadalajara Restaurant

  1. Pingback: Revolutionary Remedy for Refractory Drug-Seeking | the Daily Medical Examiner

  2. Pingback: Big Pharma Brings Jobs to Unemployed Island Children | the Daily Medical Examiner

  3. Pingback: Simulation Dummy Has Pulse, But Cannot Feel Love | the Daily Medical Examiner

Share your thoughts with the DME...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s