DOVER, DE – While New Yorkers debate recent attempts to limit their intake of sugared drinks, Delaware residents can celebrate their freedom as American citizens to enjoy wholesome high-fructose corn syrup in whatever quantity they decide is right for them. A proposal on the floor in the state legislature (Proposal No. 88) mandates basic protections of Delawareans’ right to sell and purchase high-carbohydrate beverages in unrestricted quantities.
‘This is about all citizens having the opportunity to decide for their body and for their family what is the right amount of sugar. This is part of what makes our country great,” commented Candace Jonswater, minority whip, from the Delaware House of Representatives.
In fact, one Delaware fast food chain, Pudgers Burgers, has released a new drink size, called the “Prop 88” which contains “88 ounces of sweet goodness for only $1.39.” At over 1000 calories, the drink provides nearly half of the sugar-fuel that most people need each day. With at least one free refill, a person could satisfy his or her daily calorie requirements without having to consume anything else.
Many see this as a spontaneous act of American liberty and state’s rights; however, others see a more sinister side to the bill. With nearby West Virginia claiming a stranglehold on the title of “most obese state in America” and 2012 polling around the corner, some argue that Delaware is making a concerted push to leave behind the distinction of being “second most obese state in the US.”
The proposal appears unlikely to change current dietary choices, but Delaware healthcare activists have protested the bill on grounds of principle.
“Patrick Henry said ‘Give me liberty or give me death.’ It appears that in Delaware we will have easy access to both,” lamented Dr. Benjamin Sathind, MD, an endocrinologist from Milford.
See last year’s statistics from Gallup for yourself: http://www.gallup.com/poll/152945/Obesity-Chronic-Diseases-Stable-Across-States-2011.aspx
DISCLAIMER: All stories, medical reports, news entries, and commentary are fictitious, created in the interest of humor. They are the ripe and sometimes rotten fruit borne from the fecund imagination of the Daily Medical Examiner creative staff and any actual relationship to events present or historical should be considered coincidental. The DME uses invented names for people, businesses, and institutions in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is coincidental.